Changes

It’s the second week of May now, which means our classes have been in full swing for about a month. We have added 2 more children’s classes, and the kids couldn’t be cuter! So now I currently have 4 adult classes and 5 kid’s classes at Hongo, and 14 girls at Katerina. Teaching is in full swing. I changed from teaching two beginner and two intermediate to one beginner, two intermediate and one advanced class this year, partially because I wanted to teach an advanced class and partially because I believe the new Hongo J3 is more suited to teach the beginner classes. (He is an accredited ESL teacher, and is fluent in Japanese so it made more sense). I could not be happier with my classes and my students. These changes are welcomed as far as I’m concerned.

This spring many changes have happened and I have not welcomed all of them with such open arms. For many many many years the LCMS Lutheran Church has also had a missionary presence in Tokyo (VYM). Their job positions and our job positions ran right along side each other, 6 months language training, 2 years teaching. These people were close co-workers, friends, support systems and overall a social network. Due to unfortunate circumstances their program has officially ended their presence in Japan. Its sad to see a missionary community pack up and leave, but they have been working hard in Japan for years, and have planted so many seeds that will continue to grow and blossom here in Japan, so although they may be physically gone now, their work continues on in the students that they taught. This was not a change I welcomed. These missionaries were my peers. As some of you may know, the missionary group I came with….was an unusual group. Two married couples, one in their 40’s and one in their early 60’s, and myself; usually J3’s are straight out of college, so my group was a bit strange. We got along great and had an amazing orientation together, the entire while I had my peer group with the other Tokyo J3 missionaries (Charity and Matthew) and the numerous VYM missionaries to socialize with.

We would meet for lunches, have bible studies together, monthly worship meetings to re-gather and recharge, izakaiya nights and our lovely trips to Cost-Co. These were my friends in Tokyo, a group of fellow missionaries who I could share my daily struggles with, and they actually understood because they were in the same boat. We were all about the same age, single (well okay there were two newly wed couples, but they were single before) and we were all fresh in the field. We didn’t have obligations back home, or big families yet to call our own so our jobs basically became our lives, and that’s what being a missionary is all about. When these people were pulled from Japan as their contracts ended, it was during the time of the earthquake when so many things were happening and going on. The company pulled them out faster than anyone was expecting so proper good-byes and farewell parties were missed. Thus leaving many things unresolved. A change not welcomed.

The missionary positions in Tokyo are also a semi touchy subject with me, so lets just say I am currently working with someone I did not expect to be working with. My co-worker is awesome, and a FABULOUS teacher, which takes a huge burden off of me. I can relax and enjoy the bible study 4 times a week as he leads it flawlessly as far as I’m concerned. He is a great co-worker…just not who I thought I’d be working with. I was expecting a 20 something female to join me in Tokyo and to become my new bestest friend ever (which of course you ladies still are, even in the Mote) but due to back door meetings, this opportunity was short lived. My former co-worker, the glorious Matthew Linden, was a joy to work with. Everyday he made me smile at work and laugh even when I didn’t want to. He was always chattering and kept the atmosphere light and friendly. We had late night conversations over beers, shared our depressing moments, and moments of excitements as well as many hilarious youtube videos. We enjoyed working together and our lunch dates every Wednesday and Thursday (come on, we don’t cook). It was a time to teach and then to hang out with a friend. And although sometimes I didn’t enjoy the constant rambling… I look back at it now, and highly miss it. My work place atmosphere changed the moment Matthew left, and it’s not better or worse…it’s different. A change not welcomed.

As other missionary friends fulfill their contracts and look forward to moving home in the coming months, my military friends are also ending their tour of duty and returning to America. I’m still here. I'm not going to say out right that I don’t want to be here…but things have changed and it is much harder now than it was two months ago.

I feel I have lost my community, my social outlet, my place away from home to kick back with a friend while we lesson plan for the week. The recharging services and bible studies are trying to take place over skype, but with time differences…they don’t always happen. I still have a few amazing friends here in Tokyo and an amazing missionary family down in Kawasaki that are my saving grace, but things are different. My immediate peer group is gone, and I’m not sure they will ever be able to be replaced. I feel more alone here than I have in a long time, and the constant aftershocks from the earthquake are also beginning to play on my nerves a little bit and then I get the, ‘ugh, I can’t wait to go home!” feeling.

I don’t’ say all this to complain or to make people feel sorry for me, but merely to share that this is part of the reality of being a missionary, having an international life style means friends are constantly coming and going, and things are always changing. I realize I can’t count on people to always be there, because when a contract or a visa is expired…they have to leave and that’s just the reality of this job. So instead of depending on others I have joined a gym and am now focusing on me for the next year until I too hang it up and come home (in less than a year). So hopefully this will keep me occupied and give me something to do when I have no one to call and hang out with. So I am trying to be proactive and positive about the current situation, as its reality and I cannot change it. I just wanted to shed light on some of the struggles that I do face here, because all too often I think I might sugar coat my blog entries and only paint the happy picture, today’s picture…not so happy. Changes are not always welcome.